Lying: White Lies

from Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life, Sissela Bok, 1978.

Any awareness of how lies spread must generate a real sensitivity to the fact that most lies be­lieved to be "white" are unnecessary if not downright undesirable. Many are not as harmless as liars take them to be. And even those lies which would generally be ac­cepted as harmless are not needed whenever their goals can be achieved through completely honest means. …

I would not wish to argue that all white lies should be ruled out. Individuals caught up in the practices of mak­ing inflated recommendations, for example, may have no other recourse. In a few cases, placebos may be the only reasonable alternative. And certain marginally deceptive social excuses and conventions are unavoidable if feelings are not to be needlessly injured.

But these are very few. And it is fallacious to argue that all white lies are right because a few are. As a result, those who undertake to tell white lies should look hard for alternatives. They should see even these lies as links in much wider practices and should know the ways in which these practices can spread. If they do, white lies, where truly harmless and a last resort—told, for instance, to avoid hurting someone's feelings—can be accepted as pol­icy, but only under such limited circumstances.

Most of us doubtless come into more frequent contact with white lies than with any other form of deception. To the extent that we train ourselves to see their ramifica­tions and succeed in eliminating them from our speech, the need to resort to them will diminish. If we can then make it clear to others that we stand in no need of white lies from them, many needless complications will have been avoided.

A word of caution is needed here. To say that white lies should be kept at a minimum is not to endorse the telling of truths to all comers. Silence and discretion, re­spect for the privacy and for the feelings of others must naturally govern what is spoken. The gossip one conveys and the malicious reports one spreads may be true with­out therefore being excusable. And the truth told in such a way as to wound may be unforgivably cruel, as when a physician answers a young man asking if he has cancer with a curt Yes as he leaves the room. He may not have lied, but he has failed in every professional duty of respect and concern for his patient.

Commentary: Few areas are more explicit regarding moral relativism than the realm of "white lies." Sissela Bok points out the dangers inherent in not taking white lies seriously. She cautions "most lies be­lieved to be 'white' are unnecessary if not downright undesirable." Few areas of morality are as ubiquitous /ordinary and therefore as dangerous a slippery slope. To thoughtlessly accept or offer white lies contributes to a culture of deceit.

Search yourself: When/how do you use "white lies." What is your motivation: to "save" yourself or to "save" the other? And what are you saving the self or the other from?